Climate change may be threatening Yellowstone’s grizzly bears, but they are fighting back against another enemy—Stephen Colbert.
Stephen Colbert regularly attacks the bears on his popular show, The Colbert Report, referring to them as “soulless, godless, rampaging killing machines.” A representative for the bears expressed frustration over Colbert’s campaign: “We’re tired of his relentless persecution, which is causing millions of Americans to turn against bears.” Perhaps even more alarming, sales of teddy bears have plummeted in the park. “We’re being outsold by the bison stuffed animal toy these days and that’s insulting. Bison are not cuddly.”
To alert the public to their plight and to counter Colbert’s vicious smear campaign, the bears in Yellowstone released a video and staged a massive protest. “The public deserves to know the truth.” You can view the bear’s video on YouTube or below this article.
The bears hope that when President Obama visits Yellowstone next week, he’ll take an interest in their plight. “We’ll be happy to meet with him—provided he brings a full picnic basket. He’s proven his willingness to address climate change; we also need his help in defending ourselves against Colbert.”
In the past grizzlies inhabited a range that encompassed most of North American west of the Mississippi. Today, only 1,200 grizzly bears in Wyoming, Montana, Idaho, and Washington live in the lower 48 states. Almost half of those bears call the Greater Yellowstone Ecosystem home. The predicted effects of climate change in the Yellowstone area, however, bode ill for the health of the grizzly. “We have a beetle destroying our food supply—we shouldn’t have to also worry about a second-rate television personality defaming our character.”
One of the bears thinks cowardice is behind Colbert’s persecution. “A real man would confront his fears and visit Yellowstone.”
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